Confessions of: A Basic, Whatever.

This life according to being “basic.”

those are pumpkin spice M&M’s (disclaimer: do NOT purchase. will result in regret…can’t. stop. won’t stop.)

so, it’s already been established that i’m old, alright? blame it on the al-al-al-co-hol, oh wait, different problem, blame it on the aging process, i.e. memory loss and/or inability to adapt and adhere to modernity–be it technology, fashion or slang–but this whole mockery of basic-ness is a new, bewildering concept to me, like butt cleavage aka “underbutt.”

perhaps this is the plight of having male friends, but apparently, some things i do are like, so basic.

basic–to most translates as simple, plain, straightforward, perhaps the opposite of acidic. keeping up with the times of 2014 here, apparently, basic means so much more. according to urban-dictionary a basic “b” would be someone who is obvious in terms of their behavior, dress and action. synonyms include: boring, white, fake. while i personally consider this a cruel description associated with “bitches,” here are other determinant factors:

*must love PSL’s. For the acronym-challenged, that means pumpkin spiced latte’s. which, hello, i obvi don’t drink because way too many cals, apparently indulging in starbucks is a contender. venti blonde roast, black please, and yes, that’s lindsey with an E. but i can also spell out b-a-s-i-c for you, if you’d prefer?

there’s a starbucks in the forbidden city. everywhere i’ve resided, i own a city mug. and when i lived in china, starbucks was “the place” to be, hello, mango frappes. sorry i’m not sorry, but starbucks is ubiquitous and peripatetic, like me, and i associate it with happy memories of travel and coffee.

*loves fall, or autumn, and quotes like “i’m so glad i live in a world where there are octobers.”

but seriously, who doesn’t love some inspiringly beautiful diction to associate with.

“but what do dreams know of boundaries?” -a.h.
“not all those who wander are lost,” -j.r.r tolkien
“write drunk, edit sober” -ernest hemmingway
…i can keep going.

also i love ALL holidays, not solely thanksgiving/halloween and ALL seasons. suck it, fall.

you watch SATC.
you wear flannels
and UGG’s.
And T.Swift is your homegirl.
you workout, because apparently “workin on mah fitness” is predictable, boring and not cool.
and enjoy yoga. not to mention wear yoga pants.
you like candles (…seriously how lame of you, B.O and dirty scents = so much cooler and unpredictable)
and your horoscope.
you brunch. (because booze and breakfast don’t mix?)
you speak in abbrevs. shortening words is too obvi, ya’ll.
diet soda is your jam. ddp, all the way.
and splenda.
you “juice” –again, being healthy isn’t cool, peeps sorry kale.
you enjoyed the notebook (so essentially you’re a girl of the 80’s or 90’s)
you quote mean girls still and love reality TV and breathe and eat and bitch about being fat and you wear clothes and you have insecurities and you have girlfriends and say like and literally and wear brands like LULU and anything “trendy” and pop and BASICally you are a normal human.

i instagrammed this flower earlier today. because i think it’s pretty.
to quote chandler bing, could i be anymore basic?
***note, post is intended to be laced with irony..this life according to lu confession: anyone who classifies others as “basic” is trying way too hard to stand out and be notably different. humans are too complex to be basic. yes, all of us are united in this endeavor.


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